The Fear of Judgment

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Wait !! What….?? Are you judging me ??

How many times have you said this line to someone who was trying to reveal something negative about you or was giving a verdict for any of your behavior? I am sure such a situation must have come up quite a number of times for all and this would have been the most standard response for everyone. And without doubting the authenticity regarding why the other person went on with making such a statement about us, we immediately try to defend ourselves questioning the intelligence of that person.And the thing is that nobody should be blamed for this. In the real world, the term ‘Judgment’ is often construed (or misconstrued) to be a negative word due to which people tend to avoid using it or coming across it in their daily lives. But the fact is that no matter whatever situation of life we are into, whichever place we live in, whoever we are surrounded by; no matter if anyone utters a word on our face or not but we are being judged every single second by the people known or unknown to us. However, those judgments do change with respect to time.

Let me explain this concept with the help of an example. Remember the day when you joined your first company or when you shifted to a new workplace. There must have been new faces around who would have greeted and welcomed you with open arms to their team. You must have had created a picture in your mind thinking “Wow man! My boss is so cool & my colleagues are so friendly.” Now cut to two months later you must have formed some new opinions in your mind such as “My boss is a d**k & my colleagues are as**oles.” The thing is that the people around you never changed but it was the situation you were into which managed to bring out such a statement from within. It was the situation that allowed you to make such a judgment about the people around you. Now the dictionary holders might raise this question that “Dude! These are not judgments; These are random opinions by people which are subject to change“. This is exactly what is meant to be conveyed here that opinions are also mere temporary judgments which are formed inside a human mind according to the time and place of that person. The truth is that we are living in such an evolving universe where nothing can be stated as a fact or judgment.

Now lets try to look at a different picture altogether. While growing up in school, there must have been certain untold dreams which you might have had for yourself but after reaching a certain age you would have considered to let them go because there was this million dollar question continuously hitting your head which was “Log Kya Kahenge…??” I am sure this question would have killed more number of dreams than those mosquitoes flying in the nights of June-July month during a power shortage. The fact that the judgment given by those known and unknown faces about your ability or competence to achieve your particular dream actually allowed you to crush that dream on its face.

Now lets try to connect the above two situations. If you would made an effort to bring a change in your life and put forward a few steps towards your dream, there would have been every possibility that you would have accomplished it. Now the same people around you would have given credit to your competence and hard work that made it possible for you reach at this life situation. Since the time and scenario changed, those temporary judgments by some random people were also able to change leading them to make a new judgment about you and your decision making.

We are being judged at every single phase of our life. While appearing for exams in school, selection of your school cricket team, participating in a dance reality show, appearing for an interview for job, searching for a life partner and so on; there are several life situations where we will be judged. Despite of living each day of our life as a new judgment day, we tend to have the fear of being judged. The fear that someone might notice your negative points or weakness that may expose you. Our vulnerability to judgments are so damn high that we consider to rather live in a bubble than exposing ourselves fully to the harshness of the actual world.

I remember that day so well when I was standing right in front of the entire class thanks to the lecturer who randomly picked my name from attendance sheet and asked me to speak on a particular topic. And allow me to confess that I wanted to drown in shame the way I spoke on that topic. And that shame was not because I didn’t so spoke well in front of the teacher but those fifty other faces with their bumps occupying those long benches and their eyes staring at me as if they were emitting some laser efforts continuously piercing through my body. Though nobody said to me anything personally but I felt that these  people would consider me dumb for the rest of my life and I wanted to hide my face from the entire campus. However, in this situation I preconceived their judgments without making an effort to take a feedback from a few of them. Such was the situation that I always tried to hide my face whenever the faculty member used to throw questions in the class because I never wanted to be exposed or judged again. But the curriculum was such that I couldn’t hide my shortcomings for too long and eventually after a few hiccups, things started to get better for me. But the important thing to note here is that had I continued to live in the pool of those past judgments by some random people then I would have got stuck right there not being able to keep my best foot forward.

Well I am not trying to exaggerate here of being an achiever in life but rather present an idea from my personal experience that judgments are not something that one should be scared of. Instead these need to be befriended to make way for positive outcomes in life. As I have mentioned earlier that judgments are definitely not permanent and are subject to change with time. Popular opinions say that “First impression is last impression.” But I would rather believe that “give it some time honey; you yourself would doubt your intelligence that made you realize such an impression about the other person.” 

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